spin

doormat

i am,
no longer the same person
-- girlfriend, lover, past
(you never trusted anyway) --
mouthes that once gave such

sweet,
sweet words -
now cuts the darkness
and fumbles the lung for breath -
sharp tongues that hides
such
inevitability.

( did i hurt you too much?
or did the man in you prefer another way in? )

i am
not anymore
that girl -
that girl you
had dispose of,
that
ragdoll to
wipe your eyelids dry,
to serve you and
to never be enough.

--------------------

Biggest Loss

breath in,
breathe out;
house still,
lights out-
you left
but your smell
sleeps here.
lingers where
open doors,
( i step through
but no you. )

------------

maybe,
maybe i-
maybe it was me.
somehow
you woke up and
realized
this wasn't it.

not your dreams,
60 years-
40 of it you
would've gladly thrown away.
who are you?
and why do i
see you when i
see myself
so
much?

--------------------------

wake up.
remember
little things.
shower,
make up.
one smile for
no one but
myself.

air is humid.
breakfast,
choke down memories,
swallow the past.
hear your noises,
tip toe down stairs,
you're here but
barely there.
you don't look at me and
i don't look back.

start the car,
change my name.
slam the door,
so much blame.
nothing to say,
day in
days out.
you don't ask and
i don't tell.
if you do, i am well.

11.19.2007

-----------------------------------------

Han

so you drove to cincinnati to be nearer to God,
and i was replaced without knowing it
just the way i've always
feared

------------------------------

selfish

GIVE?
and you saythat i did not give?

so you gave out,
but i gave in-
gave myself thin
everytime you came back.
and what did you give?
dinners, dates,
flattery,sin-
if giving is not giving in
then maybe i should have
given up.