caffeine

Rachael Lampa -- No Other One

( whisper the reasons

when the sun just hides away )

-----------------------------------------------

i have
hidden these things,
white washed them in hopes of
brand new days to come;

but

i have found your sorrows
too great to swallow,
too similar to pass.
your smile hangs like a dress in my closet,
too red to wear.
too thin to keep warmth.

it is not fair,
yes.
but isn't it supposed to be?

-----------------------------------

Stupor

Kanye West - Love Lockdown

Lord, my soul has not breathed in so long.
I've been sipping this coffee dark,
waiting in the cold
with dirty fingers only scraping surface.
i comb through photographs to find
spaces where You might have been sleeping;
i only found
moments i should have listened and
left.

i Pray to feel something,
but even these words have
sinned, and cast themselves off
from me.
Heartbeat is racing,
but body is so void.
i cup my hands to clouds and
receive rain;

Lord, will you not move me-
will you not pass?

Holiday

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

First Snow Fall

i
trudge through the snow,
landscape frozen,
fingertips white;

tundra of fabric that
stretches the eyes
and thins the breath.

i
ration the atmosphere,
and quicken the steps.

(your smile lingers on my eyelids and
melts to my stained cheeks like rain;
i've been missing you
so much.)





Bar 185; 11:38

it would have taken
a lifetime to explain
the way your fingers gripped
the vodka gimlet
with such
controlled, predictable
anger
that made me all of a sudden
so
tired
underneath your gaze.


i stopped myself from
breaking away and
getting up -

how to deny
1 part vodka,
1 part juice,
and 2 parts questioned loyalty.

how to swallow
too good of a truth?



1 week

my dear,
i fear
the very idea
of missing you
more than what i'm worth.

it is like a
teeter -
totter -

the more you are missed,
the less it will show.

hold on,
and we will
steady the weight.



Dream #6

you
wrote
her
lines of sweetness,
of unmeasured, inconsiderate charm.

she wrote back,
temped and
amused.

i slept in the darkness of
trying so hard to
make you SEE,
but you walked away temporarily
(only to come back).

i kissed your neck,
and dreamt of her smile,
fingers that glided over skin
unaware of circumstance.
i tasted your lips and
saw her eyes there -
lingering on your bones,
thirsting for your hips.

i reached to touch,
but she is standing there,
between comforter and skin,
desire and
trust.

tell me,
what is trust?

sacrifice

i've been
again dreaming of
things.

things you mock, and
things for laughs.

but you laugh,
and avert your eyes.
if only dreams knew
how to lie.

___________________

i
weary;

2 a.m. and
still no proof.

my sight falters, but
still

if i could write you
of all the things that kept me awake,
it is always the thing
that takes
and takes.

cisterns

Rihanna -Rehab



I

and if my HEART
was never my heart --
then whyfor it breaks?
and whyfor i
feel it in the dreams
that only serves to
take away the TRUTH?

II

i have searched
for something familiar within you;
i have put my hands forward and
cupped;

the existence of truth where
truth plays tricks on the eyes;

tonight i fed on lies;
tomorrow,
i will chew sorrow,
and pass away that which has been
given to me,
by those who
have only taken the most.


III

HE
has called on me
to
kneel and
pray;

to
stay and
fight;

to be still in the light
of all that has to be
done.

my heart seeks
the ONE
who will heal;
who will break;
who will
TAKE
all that was broken,
and paint me
new.

( and still,
i search for You,
behind curtains, and
cups of coffee gone cold.
will You not come?
will this not last?)

privacy

ATB - Black Nights

baby, comon


you think i don't
care-
but believe me,
i notice.
the things that falter,
the things that
break-
little things that
render who we are
to who we never have been,
until the occasion rises to test.

pretty girls and their
long black hair.

typical boys with
hungry stares



No Place Like Home

as i child i
walked through valleys of oceans,
moons that never slept;
i crawled through fables of
unexpected dignity.

it was the battlefields of
those so wickedly possessed that
sung to me their silent lamentations;
lullabies i still know
by heart.

i search now through streets of cities that
are not quite yet old enough to know
or care,
for affirmation, for proof,
missing marble pillars and
tin roofs;

things that wander to me
only in dreams now,
from roads still parched with thirst.



Ryan I
12.22.06

Ryan used to smoke inside his car,
white pack of Camels, green lighter,
masses of scratched CD's on a dusty
ash-stained passenger seat,
where i would squeeze in and sit
indian-style and hesitant,
afraid the smell of his disintegrating lungs
won't have left in 2 hours-
but would sit there nonetheless-
studying CD covers and late November sun,
listening to the hatred of young children
filtering through his radio
as cold winter air nip my tongue and
a bubbling uncertainty grow in my stomach.

it was the way he held his cigarettes
with such poise and calamity, with such
conviction
(that he did not need a smoke)
should he ever run out or die young,
that made me loved him
-no, not loved him
with my heart -
but with a lingering questionable certainty
for the way he used to smoke inside his car,
a beat up navy blue Mercury Sable,
always in park.

just shut up already

the thing about words is that --
they rise & fall,
sink too quickly,
scrape too fast --
sometimes i just want to feel the
huuushhhhh

fall lightly
on my skin

Weekend

George Acosta - War of Hearts

As it is
words have been sleeping
under my tongue,
beneath my sheets;
i wake to find you shivering,
unchanged, and
impatient.
i found your socks and underwear
sleepless on the floor.

what is it that
has made me so unguarded
to life-
so filtered with rude apologies and
insatiable thirst?
i shrug off your
callousness and
tip-toe downstairs.

outside i found the world still
and
barreling on
so fast.